Every Head is a World -Dian Garini Lituhayu-

I wrote this as my Facebook status dated April 9, 2019. I wrote this topic because I was concerned about the situation which was miserably led by the political atmosphere. Things like this have crossed my head since a month ago, given by the severity of sharp political competition on both sides, which if the couples do not able to resist the pulse, it is really like a time bomb. Even though it can't be generalized, I believe many couples out there who have different choices are able to survive in the waves and political tsunamis while still loving and caring each other, just like falling in love for the very first time.

Of 272,794 divorce cases throughout 2011 in all courts in Indonesia, 651 couples chose to divorce because of the continuous different political views, said Director General of the Religious Courts (Badilag), Wahyu Widiana, in the annual statistical report as reported by the MA website. Of these figures the largest divorce due to differences in understanding of political choices occurred in East Java, namely as many as 568 couples. West Java continued with as many as 49 pairs. Followed by Bandar Lampung and Central Java as many as 9 couples and 6 couples. Divorce due to this different political view is not reduced every year but increases. The spoken person also reported that the number of couples proceed to divorce for the political views reason this year, 2019, also increases.

My next note from this news taken from Detik.com is the accompanying comments. A mother of three whose husband is a policeman wrote, "Ms, my husband just gave me a word, choose according to your wishes, according to your knowledge, choose because you comprehend and understand, not because you just want to make your friends or anyone else happy for you, do it with concern, do it as your duty as a citizen. Be careful of hoaxes. My husband said, his own choice does not need to be discussed, whatever happens, we are still his responsibility, and his duty as a public servant of the state will be taken into account one day ... "

Another comment was written, "My husband and I have different views, but my husband reminds me, our promises and love must be above of all, because there are no eternal political interests, but we, we have our eternal love ..." I smiled to myself reading the next comments.

A comment from a man, "Ms, my wife and I talk political things occasionally, but if it causes tension, we leave it. It is not important to damage relationships only for dunya reason like this. My wife also told me not to insist and force on everything. Get relax.."

A comment from a long time no see friend said, "Sad to read this Ms, let it be a colorful world, the important thing is, we still worship the same God, Allah; still carrying out religious orders, why should they separate just because a political view?"

One comment that goes deeply to my throat was, “Political choice is a human right Ms, it should be made as a secret. But it's hard though. Frictions in this year's election was very overwhelming. Hoaxes everywhere and cannot be denied that religious sentiments were involved with various risks. I think istikharah is enough, each party has its own ulamas. If the results of istikharahs are different, let it be, they should just be relax. Bismillah, and pray, wish the best for the country. The most important of all is, that all of decisions is taken without hatred..”

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Most people deal with differences by not dealing with differences. Most people try to avoid the conflict at all cost. Just like I do, mostly. If a disagreement arises, I change the subject and make a note to my self not to bring up that topic with that person in the future. For the goodness sake. My prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says, "The most pious of people is the one who refrains from arguing, even if he is right.." at least one side must stay calm. If both are in tension, talking won't work at all.

Sometimes, I want to dive and deal with what appears divide me to that person. For I believe when we deny important differences, we are essentially saying that the relationship is not worthy of our attention. It has been proven, it actually does more harm than good to ignore conflict. But I also know, that having an ability to see valid points on all sides of any issue is actually a long process of a mind. I could not say that this 'easy going attitude' would be automatic for other people I deal with.

Honoring a relationship is to deal with differences, no matter what. It should be made through respectful dialog and attentive listening. Listening is always the hardest part of all, since we have to look into the heart of the person we are dealing with, we actually may find ideas and insight, hopes and dreams, or even fear and nightmares that we would otherwise missed. Each person has a unique collection of stories, experiences, and passions that are driving that person's stances.

It takes courage, a real gut, to choose to empathize with someone with whom we disagree instead of remaining locked in an endless debate and a warm rising arguing. It is always possible that we look closer, dig deeper, to get noticed the values of each other perspectives. It would bring us to something, to a place where actually we find more common things between us, than we first imagined.

Even in the times when after all our digging, we still can not find total agreement towards the differences, we may at least gain greater understanding of one another. We may even find something to actually liked about the other person's perspectives.

It is never easy to deal with differences, but relationship are worth the investment of our time and energy. But again, it needs, an open heart, to see, to accept, to release and to mingle with the differences happily.

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For his different lights, I found puzzles in my life to complete. I'm flawless with him.

The man I fall in love with everyday, for his luminously distinct colors.