(To be delivered as a speech at Toastmasters Club meeting, 18 February 2017)

Good afternoon, fellow toastmasters!

Let me begin this speech by telling you what has inspired this speech. Some weeks ago, on a night after 9 PM, a parent, a mommy sent me a message. She said she needed help as she was arguing with her child about mobile phone usage. I couldn’t help yet telling her that I would talk to her son the following day. What happened as I talked to the son? I found out that the problem was not merely mobile phone addiction yet communication between them.

Another case is two parents came to school, stating how difficult for them to control their children at home. They expected their children to be obedient and say yes for what they order the children to do, or to be. Far from what they expected, all they received was fight with their children.

During my 6 years of teaching career, I sometimes find parents with brilliant career neglect the value of their presence for their children. Even worse, some parents seem to think that providing so called “the best school”, private teachers and the best course class for their children are enough to show their care. Most of the time, parents are busy sending their children here and there to get the best education, then come to the children when they think they misbehave. These parents, to me, seem to forget the importance of being there. They forget the importance of connectedness.

Dear fellow toastmasters,

According to a research conducted by Dawson & Ashman, early parent-child relationships have powerful effects on children’s emotional well-being. While according to Lerner & Castellino, the effects are also at their basic coping and problem-solving abilities and their future capacity for. Children learn how to manage their emotions and behaviors and build healthy relationships with adults and peers. They also learn how to adjust to new situations and to overcome conflicts.

Knowing the positive impact of parents-children relationship, many parents, I suppose, have not fully internalize it. Some parents, as I found, push their children to be successful yet they choose to spend much time for working and social media rather than to have quality time with their children.

Now, let me show you what a student of mine also commented her friend’s mother. She said, “..her mother is unlike my mother. Her mom is busy taking care of her while my mom is busy taking care of her social media.” When children are facing exam, despite the free time parents have, they choose to upload the schedule of their kids’ exam, yet limit their involvement to accompany the kids studying.

To my experience, parents who think they fail to make good communication with their children mostly spend relatively limited time with their children, talk too much and listen less, or tend to instruct and forbid them instead of encourage them.

I do realize that career parents, even me, find it hard to spend time together with their children. Despite this, parents still have option to have short yet high quality time.

Mary Jane Biira, a counselor at Families Fit for Children stated, “The way a child behaves is an indicator of whether they are emotionally neglected or not.”

So, parents, reflect to yourself when you expect a lot from your children. Have you been there for them? If we can be there for others, why not to be there for our children?